Practise Intro
How would you feel if you didn’t have a voice? If u wanted to say what u want but didn’t out of fear of the other sex? These were the feelings women experienced only for many years up to just a few decades ago. It was a frustrating time for them. Being owned, being silenced, being ‘it’s’ instead of ‘she’s’. This caused anger in the hearts of many which is what Shakespeare and Sylvia Plath expressed in both their pieces respectively.
For many years, women were silenced. They didn’t have a voice. But when two women decide enough is enough and let their voices be heard, anger, negativity and hatred is released. This is the case for Sylvia Plath and Katherina from Shakespeare’s “Taming of the Shrew”. They both have hardened hearts because of the way they’ve been treated in society so they pick up microphones to let their feelings out and the heat from the spiteful and callous words that are said, turn those microphones into pipebombs. This is how they express their emotions, in strong and abrasive tones. To them, their voices are weapons.
This is absolutely moving in the right direction.
At risk of deflating you, I would like to suggest that you avoid using persuasive devices like rhetorical questions. What you’re doing here is developing a new, richer approach to your essay writing – and it’s very important that you wrestle with this and attempt a few different styles.
What is great about this is that you’re now talking about the concept of the ‘voice’ of women which is such a strong choice for this topic.
My suggestion is that you go for something like this:
“In the history of literature, the voice of women has often been silent. It comes as no surprise to find that when a woman is finally given a voice, or even better, finds her own voice, that what comes out is angry, extreme and passionate. This is certainly the case of Katharina in William Shakespeare’s “The Taming of the Shrew”, and of Sylvia Plath’s poetry. While written at very different times, for markedly different purposes and by very different people, one aspect is remarkably similar – the violent strength of emotion in these women’s voices.”
This makes strong statements and clearly lays out the agenda of the essay – but it also remains on the side of formality as opposed to persuasive language.
It’s likely to be too late for you to have another go at this tonight, but I do encourage you to take into account this advice when you start writing your piece tomorrow.
CW
You’ve cracked it. Does it feel right to you? Can you identify what’s better about this version?
I thought the metaphor was too much at first. I was watching some of CM Punk’s shoot promo (you can look that up like I did Jackie O lol) and he was saying stuff about having a voice, speaking his mind, pipebombs and what not so that helped. Anyway, I like it better than the first. That one seemed like a persuasive speech. This one states the point and slightly exaggerates their anger which Sylvia Plath does with her analogies and the characters of Taming of the shrew do when they’re describing Katherina. So yh, im happy with it.
I will look it up (I’m sorry my popular culture references aren’t quite as cool as yours!)
The reason – in this case – that I think a pipebomb is an appropriate metaphor is because Sylvia Plath, especially, really does write explosive poetry. It is full of shrapnel and it is violent in its imagery. This metaphor works as evidence of an authentic response from a young man in 2012 to reading her work.
It’s late!
CW
No need to apologize. I did find the time when she sang the national anthem quite cool and the dirty dancing reenactment quite funny. Still, I’m now ready, not just for the assessment but to go to bed lol.
Goodnight
‘night
(afterthought – just to avoid anachronism – you could replace the microphone in your introduction with a pen)
CW